Independence, A Mother's Perspective
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When I think back to when Christian, my son, was first injured, I believe that one of the things that we all got right was to understand the need for independence. Not just his independence, but ours also.

As we raise our children, we deliberately and cautiously give them the tools they will require for a separate, responsible and fulfilling life. Sometimes we as parents get it wrong, more often our over eager children get it wrong, but we forge ahead. By the time our offspring have reached their late teens we hope they will be able to go out into the world and fend for themselves. This is not only what is right for them, it is also right for us. A spinal injury can change everything.

Everyone is frightened, shocked, questioning what the future will bring. It is so easy for parents to slip into that old care giving role, and so easy for the injured person to accept this. I have seen more than one family regress this way. It’s hard to see someone you love so dearly struggle with the physical and emotional challenges of life in a chair. Your first reaction is to cosset him or her. The best advice I can give you is to stand back and allow your beloved child to learn to cope on their own. Remember, you have passed on all those life skills over the years. It’s time to put them to the test. I can assure you that when left to his own devices, Christian’s spirit and strength have been remarkable.

It was not just our son’s independence that needed to be considered, but also our own. We had busy and full lives. My first instinct was to quit working, to stay home and cater to his every whim. Thankfully we quickly realized what a disaster that would be. The entire family needs to feel positive about the future. A fulfilling job and a social life become all the more important. Don’t cut yourself off from support.

Over time I hope to pass on some practical tips on how to encourage independence for all concerned. It all boils down to giving one another space and respect. Just remember that and you’ve got a great start.

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